Sun on the Bricks.

Motivation is key while living in a small apartment in New York City. Motivation to get dressed, to go out on the cold streets. Motivation to be a person, and not hide inside. Often I lack motivation. It's so much easier to sit in my sweatpants (a.k.a. pajamas), drink endless amounts of coffee and send out resumes all day. For me to go out requires an agenda, a list of places to go, items needed to be picked up, a travel plan. If things can be put off until another day, they will be. This isn't really something new for me. I am happy at home. I am a nester, and enjoy creating comfort in my surroundings. I work to change things about myself. I try to tell my mind that I enjoy going out and talking to complete strangers all day. But I don't really. Everyone has things about their personality that they would like to change, and some things can be—within reason. We can learn to be better listeners, to be more organized, to clean up our messes, but some things are inherent. By nature, I am quiet, reserved, even shy. My high school classmates will probably remember that, if they remember me at all. Conversely, when I am with people I know well, I can be quite the life of the party. I am funny and engaging. I wish I could learn to mix some of that into my everyday life.

Today I'm looking over a little freelance project I got. Another small potential one in the works. A website design too, but I need a programmer. I am happy to have some work. There is not much money involved, but I have always loved being a designer, and working makes me feel whole. I have always worked, babysitting when I was 10, working at McDonald's all through high school, then at the Mall in retail in college. Straight into advertising right after I finished my degree. My first job? A copywriter. But after having just spent four years in art studios, I was so drawn to the department where people had drawing boards and markers and t-squares. Soon I was ordering type, doing paste-ups and learning the command of marker comps. Unbelievably all this was done without the aid of a computer.

I am a bit obsessed with the sun. In my youth I was probably a sun-aholic. Addicted to being in the sun. As a mom with young kids, we would structure our days around the weather. If it was sunny, it meant we would be outside. Shopping trips were for rainy days. I would never dream of being inside a mall on a sunny day. If it was sunny and summer, we would be at the pool. If it was sunny, summer and vacation, we would be at the beach. Maybe this sun worshipping goes back to the idea of things which are inherent in ourselves, something we are born with, human nature. For my inner sense of peace, I am happiest when I am in the sunlight, outside in the sun and most of all—at the beach. In my new apartment, the sun glints off the red brick walls outside my window, but it doesn't come directly into my rooms. This is quite distressing to me. For sure this workspace will have to be moved to the southeast window so I can stop turning my head, leaning forward and looking over at the sunlight. At least the view will be in front of me. It's an obsession that I deal with. Today it will be dealt with by moving my desk. I just did the "turn and lean" again.

There is no school in New York today. I don't remember why. I have not adjusted to the strange new school system that we are now a part of. So much more could be written on that subject. Olivia is at rehearsal for "Sweeney Todd" all day, her school play. She almost got a lead in the play, which was a pretty big deal for a newcomer sophomore. Last week they had several days off for some kind of state testing. She had rehearsal all day, every day on those days too. So much for a day off. She missed out on the fun time I had moving all our belongings. Lucky her. At least she is having a life. After all, that's why we came here.

My son is back home in Belleville living with his dad. Today he is sick with the flu, 102 fever. It's a very strange feeling when one of your children is sick, and you are not with them. My mom instincts take over, and I want to be there to make him tea, fluff his pillows, bring him cool washcloths. I still miss my mom when I am sick.

 

my handsome son.

So while I struggle with the directionality of my apartment, what I do love is my new neighborhood. Half a block away, on the corner is a magical bakery called Silver Moon. I used to think that New York didn't have great bakeries, until we found this one. Amazing croissants and breads. And a heavenly espresso machine. Not that little one like Starbuck's has, but the big beautiful $5000 machine that makes a real difference in the quality of your coffee drink. Again, I digress.

a little slice of heaven on the upper west side.

And this beautiful little grocery store 2 blocks down called Garden of Eden. For St. Louisan's, it's like a Straubs, but not quite as expensive. 

Time to move my desk so I can work on my little projects—while I look at the sun on the bricks.